SECRET YOGI

So, I did a thing. I signed up for a five-class yoga pass. And not just any yoga class – hot yoga! If you didn’t know, I am a secret yogi! Such a secret that I don’t take any classes and my body doesn’t even know it! I follow a ton of yogis on social, but I have been TERRRFIED to try it. I think I liked the idea that ‘one day’ I will take a yoga class and just magically be amazing. Well that clearly doesn’t happen; but alas, that is what I dreamt of. Maybe my essence is yogi-like? Is that thing?

Why hot yoga? Mostly because my Aunt said to try it and she thinks it will be beneficial for me. I should preface this with my Aunt is the fittest person I know. For example, my Aunt and Uncle go on biking vacations – they bike upwards of 100 miles a day for a week ON VACATION. The hubs and I go on vacation and plan when we are getting donuts – priorities. My Aunt does hot yoga, biking, kayaking, running, basically all the things all the time. I know, I know, you are still stuck on biking vacation – I don’t get it either. But I do know that if my Aunt is suggesting taking a hot yoga class, my ass better be in a hot yoga class.

Since I am only a ‘secret’ yogi and know nothing about yoga poses, the differences between all the different types of yoga, or any yoga lingo; I’m not an expert on hot yoga at all. However, I can tell what my classes are like which I believe is the standard practice of hot yoga, or bikram yoga. Awesome – I know one yoga word! During hot yoga, you practice a series of 26 poses twice and have a breathing exercise at the beginning of class and another at the end. You start with standing poses and there is a total of 12 of them; then you go into savasana (aka corpse pose; aka lie on your back and try not to fall asleep) and that is the half way mark! The rest of the poses are on the floor but in between each set, you go back into savasana. Oh, and you do this in a heated room – 105F degrees! Yea, you start sweating as soon as you go into the room and then you have to move. The heat loosens your muscles and assists your body into getting into these different poses. But you are still in a very hot room, doing poses that you can’t pronounce, with strangers hoping you don’t fart.

And let me be clear, the last class I took I farted. Twice. The move is called wind removing pose or, thanks to Google and looking it up, pavanamuktasna. Yea, I like wind removing better too. I mean what do you think will happen during this move – you will release wind from your body! Me being me, played it off like nothing happened and kept going. I didn’t hear any other farts, but I don’t think I was the only one. Again, wind removing pose!

Wish me luck as my journey to yogi-dom continues. And clearly, I need to get cute yoga clothes which will only enhance my practice, right?