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Well, I’m back on the keto train – choo choo! When I first started doing keto in December 2019, it was hard but I felt good. I was loosing weight, people noticed, and I had more energy. Then the pandemic hit and keto stopped. But then around Halloween 2020, I decided I needed to do it again. I wasn’t seeing any results if I was left to my own devices. Since Halloween, I have lost 15 pounds which is GREAT. BUTTTTTTT, I really miss carbs. My goal is to loose another 35 pounds on keto and then I can re-evaluate. The hubs is not doing keto so there are chips, bread, pizza, frozen dinners in the house and it’s hard seeing him eat all the things I want everyday. But if I get myself to a good weight, I’m hoping to be able to enjoy a few more carbs.

I want to feel good about myself again and right now, I don’t. Part of it is that I sprained my ankle January 1st – yes, the first! The whole ‘New Year, New Me’ did not happen this year. I was in bed for almost a week because I couldn’t walk. The good thing about that was I wasn’t near the fridge to look for snacks!

Since I’m a bit immobile at the moment, keto is going to be the best option for me. I know I can loose weight without working out. I just want to add in working out so I loose weight faster and smarter.

I know my self worth is not tied to the amount I weigh but some days, it’s really hard to remember. When I step on the scale and don’t see a number I like, or when I put on an outfit that used to fit right, or when I’m feeling confident and then a picture is taken and I feel that I don’t look as good as I should. It’s a constant battle. Today is definitely one of those days. It feels like I’m always going to weigh this much and that I should just accept it. I know that is not the answer. There is a small voice in the back of my head that says to keep fighting, to keep going. I need to make that voice louder and I’m not sure how.

Or is it? This year has been hard. The holidays seem so different this year. Families can’t celebrate with each other, there is a new variant of COVID, and people are afraid of the new vaccines.

I’m trying to find the good and it has been rough the last few weeks. From starting keto over again to trying to get on a more structured workout plan, it’s hard! But this morning, I woke up, hit the gym and put on Episode 1 of The Vampire Diaries. I love Vampire Diaries and I figured this is a great way to motivate myself. I workout – I get to watch an episode. Plus it’s a long series so it should keep me busy for awhile! Then we have The Originals and Legacies which are spin offs – I’m set!

Today I joined a new “fit squad” – workouts, FB group accountability, and recipes. It feels like I’ve tried EVERYTHING but maybe this will stick. What I like about it, is that you can mix and match which workouts you can do. There is a calendar for you to follow along with, but if you can only workout 3 days, then that’s ok. Plus, you can do these workouts at the gym.

As much as I love being home, and I do, it’s nice to get out. It’s like I have a date myself every morning. I get up, put on my all black workout outfit, grab some water, have a dance party in the car, and watch a great show while huffing and puffing on the elliptical. Ok, so its not a great date, but its something that I need to do for me. I just need to remember that when I wake up to snow and it’s still dark outside.

I can do this! I can do this! I can do this! Or I’m going to fake it till I make it!

Why does everything have to be so hard? Working out. Eating right. Being an adult. UGHHH. At least Christmas is in three days!

This year was going to MY YEAR! I started off the year on keto – down 30 pounds, had a bonus trip to Disney World, and was going to work from home the entire summer. It was going to be GREAT! Well, that did not turn out the way it was supposed to.

COVID-19 had different plans and in March, we were in quarantine with the rest of the world. The hubs and I were both working from home which was an adjustment. The supermarkets were crowded but the aisles were scarce. There was a limit on meats, dairy and frozen food items. After seeing this, the hubs and I decided to come off keto since we didn’t think we would be able to maintain it. I mean, our keto diet consisted of a ton of meat and cheese! So we got what we wanted – hello, entenmann’s!

The world we knew was completely changing and in our area, the numbers were scary. Our hands were sore from washing our hands so much. We couldn’t see family or friends. We couldn’t hug our parents. Then I was laid off. This was all by April 1st – 2020 kicked our ass.

I wish I did something more constructive with the time I had from April to now, November 10th. I started, quit, restarted, quit and restarted many diets and workout programs. But to be completely honest, the last few months I felt lost. For the first time in a long time, I wasn’t worried about a job. I figured I’d take this time to figure out what I really wanted. Well, I still have no idea what I want to do. Is it writing? Maybe! Is it work with Beachbody? Possibly! Is it make polymer clay earrings? It’s been a whole week of making them – maybe I need more practice!

The one thing that I’m determined to focus on for the rest of the year is my health. This battle I have with myself about how much I weigh needs to be over. For years now, my focus has been what I weigh, what I should or should not be eating, how I look, and how did I get here. I’m so done! So I’m putting an end to this once and for all. First step is going keto! When I came off of keto, I went full into carbs. And I mean FULL. I wanted to have everything that I didn’t have plus I thought our world was ending – might as well go full force!

Clearly, that didn’t work out for me and I gained all the weight I fought so hard to loose. So I decided to do workout programs, but I wasn’t watching I was eating. I kind of ate healthy, kind of didn’t, and drank all the beers. But the worst part about it is I would start over each week. Monday-Wednesday I would be good but by Thursday or Friday, I was back eating crap. Self-control was not in my vocabulary and I felt awful. I felt like a failure because I lost my job and I couldn’t even maintain a healthy lifestyle.

There has been a lot of heartbreak this year so far too. And I don’t have the distraction of working. My daily tasks are as follows: waking up, work out, eat healthy, and drink water. Which sounds wonderful but really hard when you feel like your life is going no where fast. I should be thankful for this time, but instead, I’m worried about what comes next. Netflix and I have become best friends, and TikTok, I’m obsessed.

What has changed for me to do a complete 180? Get back onto keto, join a gym for the first time in years, and start writing again? Well, I was here, in this exact same place a year ago. Almost a year ago, I started my keto journey the first time. I’m EXACTLY where I was. I weigh the same, I feel the same and I’m struggling. This time though, I have the gift of no schedule. If I commit to three months of keto, I bet I can start to feel good again.

Checking in on here is going to become a more regular thing. I need to hold myself accountable and getting all this out there helps!

Until next time, stay into ketosis!!!

13.1 Miles. A half marathon. A 5K with an additional 10 miles. 21.0824 kilometers.

The hubby and I signed up to run (walk, waddle, crawl, etc.) a half marathon yesterday. And not just any half marathon. The Wine and Dine Half Marathon at Disney World! Yup – we go big. We decided that we are going to run 13.1 miles on our vacation. Well, when I say “we”, I really mean me, and he decided to come along for the ride.

This will be his first half marathon and my second. We have run two marathons together both in Disney World, so we have done long distance, but it has been quite a few years. Six years to be exact.

Why you may ask? Besides being semi-crazy? Or should I say half crazy? The running puns are here to stay! Anywho, you asked why. Well, I have been chasing that runner’s high for a few years now and I can’t seem to get it back. Running always hurt and was awful and just ugh – but at the end of a race; damn it was magical. I would finish, get handed a mediocre beer, and smile from ear to ear for days. I would constantly talk about running, research new races, and knew all the types of energy gels/gummies/jelly beans. Don’t get me started on the type of socks you need! If you never experienced a race, you may have no clue what I am talking about. And if you never completed a long-distance race, it is really hard to describe that feeling since it is the same feeling as you finish a shorter race length, just elevated 100x more. When you finish a long race, everyone is miserably tired and deliriously happy and the most wonderful group of people. Not only are you happy that you finished, but you are so damn happy that everyone else finished to. Running is a selfless sport. However, the last few years, that magic hasn’t been the same for me.

I still get very happy when I finish a race. I’m usually in the back of the pack so I’m not cheering others on, but people are cheering me on. And now, we bring our own delicious beers. But I’m much slower. When I say slower, I’m SLOW. And when I go that slow, I get in my own head, think that I can’t do this, then suffer through the rest of the miles. Yes, this usually happens with the first mile – hell, sometimes within the first two minutes. Running is hard and its harder knowing something that you used to do that brought so much joy is now excruciating, it’s awful.

Well, how do you get out a rut? You face it head on! Hence registering for a half marathon. I have run (walked, cried, waddled) 5ks and 10ks since my last marathon and I suffer through them. I say that I’m going to get in shape for it, but I never do. For some reason, probably because I’m stubborn, procrastinate, and love my bed, I don’t take training for these races seriously. But for a half marathon – I have to, or I will be swept. We paid good money for this race AND we bought plane tickets AND made hotel reservations AND park tickets. We have no choice! 13.1 or bust!

So over the next 238 days, my focus will be training for this race and getting that magical feeling back. And the best place to get that feeling back? Obviously, in the most magical place on earth!

So, I did a thing. I signed up for a five-class yoga pass. And not just any yoga class – hot yoga! If you didn’t know, I am a secret yogi! Such a secret that I don’t take any classes and my body doesn’t even know it! I follow a ton of yogis on social, but I have been TERRRFIED to try it. I think I liked the idea that ‘one day’ I will take a yoga class and just magically be amazing. Well that clearly doesn’t happen; but alas, that is what I dreamt of. Maybe my essence is yogi-like? Is that thing?

Why hot yoga? Mostly because my Aunt said to try it and she thinks it will be beneficial for me. I should preface this with my Aunt is the fittest person I know. For example, my Aunt and Uncle go on biking vacations – they bike upwards of 100 miles a day for a week ON VACATION. The hubs and I go on vacation and plan when we are getting donuts – priorities. My Aunt does hot yoga, biking, kayaking, running, basically all the things all the time. I know, I know, you are still stuck on biking vacation – I don’t get it either. But I do know that if my Aunt is suggesting taking a hot yoga class, my ass better be in a hot yoga class.

Since I am only a ‘secret’ yogi and know nothing about yoga poses, the differences between all the different types of yoga, or any yoga lingo; I’m not an expert on hot yoga at all. However, I can tell what my classes are like which I believe is the standard practice of hot yoga, or bikram yoga. Awesome – I know one yoga word! During hot yoga, you practice a series of 26 poses twice and have a breathing exercise at the beginning of class and another at the end. You start with standing poses and there is a total of 12 of them; then you go into savasana (aka corpse pose; aka lie on your back and try not to fall asleep) and that is the half way mark! The rest of the poses are on the floor but in between each set, you go back into savasana. Oh, and you do this in a heated room – 105F degrees! Yea, you start sweating as soon as you go into the room and then you have to move. The heat loosens your muscles and assists your body into getting into these different poses. But you are still in a very hot room, doing poses that you can’t pronounce, with strangers hoping you don’t fart.

And let me be clear, the last class I took I farted. Twice. The move is called wind removing pose or, thanks to Google and looking it up, pavanamuktasna. Yea, I like wind removing better too. I mean what do you think will happen during this move – you will release wind from your body! Me being me, played it off like nothing happened and kept going. I didn’t hear any other farts, but I don’t think I was the only one. Again, wind removing pose!

Wish me luck as my journey to yogi-dom continues. And clearly, I need to get cute yoga clothes which will only enhance my practice, right?

Starting this blog up again over years of silence is going to be hard. I didn’t stick with it the first time, why is this time different? Well, I have come up with a few reasons. First, my goal is to run a race each month in 2018. Second, I want to do this for me and share if I can do this, anyone can. My plan is to hopefully reach just a few people, perhaps inspire them to get out there. And third, I need accountability. I will share my journey with you and you will help me stay on this long road. Are you ready? Good!

Let’s get moving!